Too many times I’ve heard people say: ‘Well that’s just the way I am’ or ‘I’m just not smart enough’, or ‘There’s no point in trying, I always get things wrong.’ I’m sure you’ve heard it too. Perhaps like me, you’ve had a belief about yourself which you thought defined who you were. I had my ‘AHA!!” moment during my early days in the fascinating field of NLP which made me realise the difference between identity and behaviour:
“Behaviour is something you do, not who you are. There is a distinction between you and the behaviour you exhibit.”
I used to call myself a shy person. I thought being shy was just who I was. Then I realised that I wasn’t shy with my friends, family or when I had to speak up for myself or someone I cared for. ‘Shyness’ wasn’t with me all the time, it wasn’t who I was.
The same applies to you. Just because you’ve felt sad for some time doesn’t make you depressive and just because you’ve made some mistakes in the past doesn’t mean you’re a mess; and it certainly doesn’t mean that you are going to keep on being a mess in the future!
Behaviour is contextual and it can always be improved at any time. Your behaviour is not who you are, it is simply how you act in a given context. Knowing this, you can choose to change the way you act from now on, and into the future. Remember, the way you behave in a given situation and time is not ‘who you are’.