Change is never a matter of ability, it’s a matter of motivation and drive.”– Anthony Robbins
The other day I was having a conversation with one of my clients, *Mary about exercising. This is more or less how it went.
Mary: “I want to exercise, I know it is important for me but I just can’t get myself to do it .”
Me: “Tell me Mary, why don’t you exercise as you would like to?”
Mary: “Well I don’t have time, between work and the kids , I am busy and then I am too tired to get myself to the gym.”
Me: ” So Mary, tell me when you think about exercising what do you think about?”
Mary: ” I think about adding something else to my busy life, I think about having to drive to the gym either early in the morning or late at night and then getting there and the gym is always busy so I have to wait to use the equipment so I’m there for 2 hours time that I don’t have. I also find that there is always something that gets in the way and I end up not going. It is just too hard!.”
I used Mary’s example to illustrate how change is influenced by what we focus on and focus is power. The reason why people don’t follow through with something they believe is important is because they focus their attention on the process as opposed to the outcome. The outcome relates to the result you want to achieve and how your life will be better once you have achieved this result. In the example above, Mary was focusing on the process, on all the things she had to do in order to get herself to the gym and then being at the gym for two hours and so on.
My conversation with Mary continued and after she gave me all her reasons why she didn’t have enough time to exercise I said: ” What if I told you that everyday after you completed your exercise session you will get as a reward of $50 dollars just for going to the gym will you do it?” Mary’s face changed and she said: ” That’s different, maybe that might be a good incentive.” But because I wasn’t convinced I then told her; “What if I put a gun in your head, would you then find time to exercise?” Mary stared at me and said : “Of course I will have time to go every day!” The reason why I used these examples with Mary was to show her that change is a matter of drive; is about having enough reasons to follow through.
I knew that in order to get Mary to feel motivated about exercising, I had to find the leverage (pain/pleasure), the emotion, we had to find enough reasons so that she would follow through. I also knew that Mary felt overwhelmed because she was focusing on the process and all it took, so to help her get unstuck it was important to get all that info out of her head and start chunking it down into smaller pieces.
*Mary is not my client’s real name*
- Not truly wanting to let go of something (the past, anger, being right etc).
- Not focusing on the outcome but on the process.
- Not experiencing enough pain to move away from the current experience.
- Not connecting with enough pleasure about the future once you’ve made the change.
- Not having a sense of certainty about the results you want to achieve.
Getting Motivated
- Instead of focusing you attention on the process, think of you having completed the task.
- Fast forward in your mind the parts that you are not looking forward to until you find the reward of having completed the activity. Look for the good feeling of having completed the task. What is the reward?
- Connect with those good feelings and say to yourself: “I’m going to feel great when I’ve done that.”
- Act on the good feelings and the urgency to experience the reward of completing the task.